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Written by: Tomohiro Koizumi, Representative Director, tentus inc.
I don't think I was ever once a serious kid growing up, but from around 2001, when I returned to Japan from the Philippines and started working a normal job, I turned into a rather troublesome creature with an outsized, strange pride — the kind that comes precisely from having lived off the beaten path.
My personality back then was probably fairly combative, and because of it, I caused a whole lot of trouble for the people around me.
For what kind of life I'd led up to then, please see this article.
Back then I took it for granted that challenging things beyond my capacity was just what you did, and I felt as though I'd fall off a cliff unless I kept constantly moving forward — a kind of obsessive compulsion had taken hold of me.
Those things were also the catalysts that helped me grow enormously, so I don't deny them — but as a result, there were periods when my mind and body fell apart: I got depressed about twice, and I developed a stomach ulcer from stress and lost 10 kilos in a month.
During one such period, an offhand remark from my boss at the time became the catalyst that greatly changed my mentality.
My work is producing and developing websites, systems, and the like — and on a certain project I caused major trouble and was tied up dealing with it day after day, pulling two straight months of 400 hours of work a month, a schedule that would make even the Labor Standards Act blanch.
Being able to stay at a capsule hotel near the office was the good scenario; I spent many days in a row taking naps under my desk.
My mind and body were worn down, and honestly my performance plummeted; I piled up mistakes, which made me even busier — a vicious cycle.
If it were now, I think I'd properly get sleep so I could maintain performance, and as a result keep the quality of my work up — but back then my field of view narrowed to only what was right in front of me, and I pushed myself past the limit, over and over.
At that time, one remark from my boss is one I'll never forget.
Before I share that remark, a little about the boss.
Even though it was an IT company, this boss had a punch perm, made quite a lot of (extremely) crude remarks, and had a pretty terrible way with drink — but everyone looked up to him as "Oyabun" (the boss). He was a thoroughly Showa-era boss.
Here, for convenience, I'll call him Oyabun.
Oyabun was my boss at the first company after I returned from the Philippines, and after I quit that first company because I'd wrecked my health, it was also Oyabun who invited me to the second company.
Well, Oyabun ended up quitting the first company himself a few years after I joined, after a fight with the president, and at the second company I moved to, he was transferred to a subsidiary within a year of my joining, in much the same way.
One late night, as I was worn to the bone dealing with trouble, Oyabun quietly set a Lipovitan D on my desk and said one thing:
You're really bein' tested, huh~
Honestly, when I heard it, I thought, "Huh?" What's this guy on about?
At the time, the words stuck in my memory, but they didn't stay in my heart.
Yet year by year, little by little, these words began to seep into my heart.
Being tested doesn't mean being tested by the company or the client. It's a phrase for gaining the perspective that, in the long theater of life, you're being tested by some existence — call it God, call it whatever you like — which lets you view yourself just a little more objectively.
And when I looked at my work objectively, I came to think this:
It's just a job, after all
The catalyst that, ever so gradually, loosened up the me who'd been propping up my pride by gritting through work, was Oyabun's words.
This isn't a phrase that says don't take work seriously or slack off — that makes you stop trying.
It's a phrase that protects your heart.
Any job comes with all sorts of stress.
There are many times you have to grit your teeth and push through in order to eat.
But I don't think you need to grind away the important parts of your spirit in exchange for that.
It's just a job, after all.
Even now, when trouble arises, I make a point of shouting out loud, "Ahh! I'm being tested~!"
This isn't about mindset — actually saying it out loud shifts my perspective a little.
How to put it — it's like being in the mood of seriously playing a game?
Thanks to that, lately I hardly ever get my spirit ground down even when trouble happens.
When you all run into trouble, please give it a shout, too.
"Ahh! I'm being tested~!"
For the sake of keeping your peace of mind.
P.S. Of course, it's best not to run into trouble at all.
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